Awareness is the key behind any major achievement in life, be it love, success, relationships or spiritual growth. Without being aware, our chances for discovering and sustaining change and positive results in any arena of life are limited.

For many of us the New Year is about setting goals and making resolutions toward achieving more success and happiness in the coming year. It’s about creating “a new beginning,” which ironically is the title of my previous article.

There is a natural progression to the dynamics of life. Before we can create a new beginning of possibilities, we must first learn how to let go of the old habits and behaviors that have been stopping us. What keeps us trapped in the repetition of past habits and behaviors is the belief that “I must think this way.”

How do we successfully break through the barriers and self-limiting beliefs that have been holding us back? The answer is to realize and accept that we all have the power and potential to create. Achieving this state is possible through the art of awareness.

Many of us are constantly searching for where it is that we need to be. Where do we need to go in life, either emotionally or spiritually to discover this world of creation? Some will say the answer is religion or meditation, others will insist that we simply look into our soul. Although all of these beliefs or states play a role in attaining the spirit of creation, there is only one place that it lives, that is within the self. The only place you need to be is right where you are, with yourself.

You’ve heard me say in previous articles that being aware is the first step toward achieving. Without awareness, one can not be present and without being present, there is no potential to truly create. Being aware is simply living in a state of true consciousness. In his Book of Secrets, Deepak Chopra defines it as “consciousness being the potential for all creation.”

Simply put, the more consciousness you have, the more potential you have to create. The more potential you have to create, the greater the possibility to be who you choose to be and achieve what you choose to achieve. Being mindful enables you to empower yourself in the present moment, which is the only point in time where you have the power to create what you choose.

Because time is constantly moving forward, many of us believe that in order for us to achieve in life, we need to march into the future with time; we need to look forward to where time is going, believing that achievement lies “out there” in a place called tomorrow. Truth be told, the ability to create in the future is not possible based on the laws of quantum physics. Energy can only be created in the moment of consciousness.

That being said, science has proven that there is no time but now. In a true mindful state, time doesn’t really pass at all. Time is no more than our perception of reality in the moment. We color time as we see it, not as it truly exists. The French author Anais Nin once said, “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.”

One of the many advantages of awareness, is that it enables you to really learn who you are. It empowers you to be mindful of what in life brings you joy and what brings you sadness. Being aware allows you to be happiness rather than strive for it and understand suffering when you’re not. Awareness is the emotional and spiritual launching pad for enlightenment.

Being aware requires focus, discipline and courage. You won’t like everything you begin to see or learn about yourself but it’s the first step toward transformation. Think about it for a moment, in the past whenever you have not achieved your goals, or stopped short because it just seemed to be too hard, what has been the one constant, the one common denominator? The answer is you!

Finding the courage to be who you choose and achieve what you choose is with you in every presence moment. I say presence rather than present because your awareness is the presence moment. You are the presence. It is you that creates the presence, no one else. Making plans and setting goals are valuable and necessary tools in life and business. They function as a compass to help you determine if you are on or off course on the road to success and happiness.

But there is a much more powerful tool called consciousness. It reflects our sense of being - our relation with love, faith, choice, courage, self-belief and any emotion or behavior that is part of your being. This year……..create “a new beginning.” Make your plans, set your goals but reinforce these tools with being aware. Being aware is the first step in living a life of self-love, self-belief and achievement.

Take 10 to 20 minutes twice a day if possible(morning/night) to relax, focus and meditate on “Being Aware.” Choose a quiet, peaceful space that you feel comfortable in. Don’t think about goals, plans, issues or problems, just enjoy the peace and quiet. Slowly inhale, using the abdomen breathing technique and slowly exhale.

Go to a state-of-mind that is about joy, peace, harmony and being grateful. This is a good launching pad to begin with. Later you can move up the life chain and on to success, happiness, self-belief and achievement. The ultimate state of mind you want to attain is self-love and the belief that you can be who you choose and achieve what you choose. You must desire, believe and finally expect the event to take place.

As you begin to master this technique, you can then add visualization into the process. Create a screen in your mind and see yourself on the screen, achieving what you have chosen and enjoying who you are being. Continue with this state-of-mind until you begin to feel and see your visualization becoming a reality.

The above exercise and following tips will guide you toward Being Aware and Mindful:

• don’t think, don’t judge, just relax & be aware

• realize that you can be mindful without expectations

• follow the instructions outlined above to create the state-of-mind

• choose who you want to be and what you want to achieve

• focus on that image through visualization with belief & emotion

• desire, believe and expect for the event to be a reality through visualization

You know what’s great about life? We get a brand new beginning each and every day to do what we didn’t do the day before. Think about that for a moment. Life grants us a chance every day to create “a new beginning.” What could be more powerful than to know that within our grasp, is the chance to choose to be who we want to be and achieve what we want to achieve each and every day, regardless of what we did or didn’t do the day before.

What lies behind this gift and the possibility of creating a new beginning, is a new you, a new self-image and a tomorrow of your choosing. By committing to and embracing a simple shift in your thinking, you can dramatically alter the results you realize in your life. The shift I make reference to is to release yourself from allowing your past and self-limiting beliefs that accompany it, to becoming more conscious of who you’re being and who you want to be.

How is this possible you may ask and where does this miracle of possibilities exist? Simply stated, it exists today, as you live and breathe. It exists in the moment of your present life and no where else. The only point in existence, where any of us have the power to create the life that we choose, is in the present. Because so many of us approach today with the self-limiting beliefs of yesterday, we lose our self-trust and self-belief and replace it with doubt and fear.

Being conscious and aware of who we’re being is the first step on the journey of creating “a new beginning.” It certainly sounds simple enough you say, yet why do so many of us struggle with change and creating a new self-image? The basic reason from my perspective is two fold; first, we don’t know what we don’t know about the process of change and second, because we don’t know, we give up before we learn how to live in a world of unlimited possibilities.

We humans can be a very critical species, of others, as well as ourselves. Because we are so focused on results, we lose the journey, which is where the lessons are. As an example, success and happiness are not destinations but a constant journey on the road of life. You can’t achieve success today and then assume that the remainder of your life will be a success. Nor can you find happiness today and declare that all your tomorrow’s will consist of total happiness. Success and happiness are stepping stones in the process of life itself.

Life consists of many things, the most certain being change. Each day we grow older and hopefully wiser. With every breathe we take, many of our cells are in a constant state of evolution, dying and being reborn. Science has proven that our state of mind and behavior actually impacts the well being of our cells. Every aspect of your being is part of the blueprint we call life. It’s how we were created and it’s who we are. Often we lose this reality in the comings and goings of living.

For us to truly create change in our life, we must first understand how. How does the process work and what does the process consist of. Without turning this into a mechanical study on how the mind functions, we are simply reconditioning past based self-limiting beliefs, with new unlimited beliefs. Unlimited in the sense that we believe in ourselves to the extent that we realize anything is possible.

Because science has proven that this is a true dynamic, based on the process of thought and vibrational energy, we can make the statement that, “what we believe is true.” That being said, what is true can be either positive or negative, confidence or fear, hope or despair. When I was a kid, the oil refinery, Esso, had a commercial that said, “put a tiger in your tank.” So, what I’m suggesting is that you put a positive belief in your head that says, “I can, because I believe I can.”

Learning anything new requires focus and discipline. However, reconditioning an old belief system that is self-limiting requires more than just focus and discipline. It also requires a tremendous amount of patience and persistence. You can never erase an old habit or behavior that has been in existence for years or decades but you can replace it with a new, more positive one. To achieve this end you must focus on the outcome you wish to achieve, discipline yourself not to deviate from the intended outcome and remain patient and persistent for what you intend to manifest to develop.

Based on my own personal experiences, I can promise you that the exercise of creating a new beginning will challenge your faith and belief system in yourself. When your intentions do not manifest as you had hoped and planned, it is very easy to revert back to your old habits and behaviors. The greatest gift you can give yourself is this………don’t!

What I’m suggesting here is that your past paradigms color how an individual views their reality. People hold on to their past paradigms because it’s what they know and are comfortable with; it’s what they’ve grown up with in their life. Your past paradigms can create a “negative safety net” for us.

For many of us, even a negative paradigm can create a sense of power in the thought patterns and behavior of an individual. The reason being that the familiarity of the habit or behavior gives us a sense of control. Again, based on my own personal experience, I can confirm that this is not true. It’s our ego playing tricks on us, so it can maintain a role in our lives.

On any given day, what you think has everything to do with the reality that you experience. By creating the right image or thought of what you want to achieve in your life, that thought or image has the power to create the appropriate circumstance or outcome that you choose to manifest.

Your mind is the most powerful force that you possess. Thoughts have a basis in reality creation.  Try experimenting with a simple exercise by being aware of your behavior and emotions the next time something good or bad occurs in your life. If in the moment, you were thinking positive thoughts, you most likely realized a positive result or circumstance; on the other hand, if you were thinking a negative thought, just the opposite probably occurred.

A positive thought, will never create a negative result; likewise, a negative thought will never create a positive result. Therefore, it is safe to say that, “thought are things,” based on their ability to create results or circumstances. It has been proven that thoughts are pure energy, based on what we are thinking. They have the power to affect not only our lives, but the people and events around us.

Be aware of what you’re thinking, think thoughts that are positive, loving and inspirational. The simplest way to become aware of your thoughts is to be conscious of who you’re being. Don’t analyze or judge your thoughts and behavior, just be aware of them. Then based on the new self-image you choose to create, change the thought or behavior when appropriate.

A simple discipline of awareness will allow you to “change the inside and you change the outside.” We can all create “A New Beginning” for ourselves, by simply changing our thoughts.

• focus each new day on creating the life you choose

When ever we think that there is something difficult to learn or master in life, we believe that there must be some “secret” attached to the outcome. We often say to ourselves, “what do I need to know, that I don’t or what do I need to do, that I haven’t?” What if I told you that there was no real secret to success, rather what you refuse to believe about your ability to achieve it.

The above state of mind automatically transfers the possibility of success to outside influences i.e. there is something out there that I must control or command. This line of thinking places you in a state of lack and scarcity and shuts down your ability to create in the present. If we explore, we discover that the answer simply lies within.

Real success is a creative state of being that is realized by living in the moment of conscious relationship that chooses what it desires to achieve, regardless of fears or changing conditions.  Success is as personal and unique to an individual, as is their special love for a soul mate or child.

Success is not a thing. It truly is a journey based on your definition of the experience toward that end. It’s what we choose it to be in the moment based on who we say we are. Let me repeat that, “it’s what we choose it to be in the moment based on who we say we are.” This is where true success starts, with the self-image.

If you’re familiar with my work and writings, you know that I often state, “what you believe is true.” The key component of achieving success is fulfilling and manifesting the positive intention that you declare and create in your life. Your power to create in the present is unlimited, based on what you believe is possible and what you tell yourself to be true about yourself.

Your self-image is the yard stick that plays a major role in determining who you are, who you become and what you achieve. Because we all have a past means we all have self-limiting behaviors. You are not unique! This fact does not qualify you for being caste into the black hole of failure unless you believe it does.

What one must simply do is come to a realization of this fact. Once you’re aware of what is stopping you or holding you back, you can now confront the limitation and replace it with a new, more positive and powerful belief system. The first step in this process is to get your head out of the past and into the present. Once you learn to “be aware” of who you’re being, then you can become who you want to be.

Visualization will play a major role in the evolution of your new self-image. Studies have demonstrated that the brain responds to camera like images. These can be self-created images, as the brain can not distinguish between what is real and what is visualized. You will enhance the process greatly by creating a state of presence and reality with your image. Feel the emotions, the joy and excitement, hear the unique sounds and voices, see the vivid colors and landscape of your image.

Once the self-limiting beliefs are identified and replaced, what is required is developing the discipline to make this new belief system a part of your every day life. This process will allow you to internalize your new beliefs into a new you, a new beginning. It will be necessary for you to be both patient and persistent, for you are reconditioning beliefs and behaviors that have been in existence for years, decades or maybe a lifetime.

The following exercise will assist you in creating A New You:

• go to a quite place and take stock in what your true self-image is

• allow yourself to enter into a state of forgiveness for past mistakes

• identify the self-limiting beliefs that are holding you back

• based on “what you believe is true” begin to create a new self-image

• replace those self-limiting beliefs with who you choose and believe to be

• begin to visualize with emotion who you are and what you choose to achieve

• believe and visualize yourself being that person and achieving in the present

A New You is just 21 days away!

A person who can change their habits, can change their life. If you commit to practicing this exercise twice a day, every day with focus and emotion for 15 minutes, you will begin to see your self-image shift in as little as 21 days. This program requires discipline, persistence and patience.

If you’re like me and thousands of others on this planet, you’ve either read The Secret, watched the DVD or know what it’s about. Those of us who are familiar with the Law of Attraction (LOA), know that it has been around since Jesus and other prophets walked the earth. All we need to do is read the bible, especially the gospels of Matthew and Philip from the New Testament for examples of what Jesus preached.

The Secret is a great story, full of hope and inspiration but not always accurate in regard to it’s claims about manifestation. Those of us who are knowledgeable about the LOA, know that it’s not as simple as ask and you shall receive. If you’re new to the LOA, you’re going to have to trust my knowledge on the topic.

True manifestation states that your heart must be service based in regard to your intentions, before you can expect to attract happiness, abundance and fulfillment into your life. There is no such thing as instant gratification and receiving, without first giving. Real change requires commitment and dedication versus making a wish while rubbing a genies lamp. In the world of spirituality, there are no genies, only God and the energy of the Universe.

There are countless books, DVD’s and programs available on the laws of attraction and how to attract unlimited possibilities and abundance. For those who followed the practices of The Secret, how many of you have asked and didn’t receive? There is a simple reason why you didn’t; there is no commitment or responsibility on your part in regard to rendering a specific service. Before you can manifest a specific intention into your life, you must first manifest something that is in the best interest of others and the world.

When Jesus walked the earth, he preached to the masses about love, peace and forgiveness. His life was about service to others and spreading the word of God. His words represented not only who God was but why he created man and the world. Today, each of us is an extension of God on this planet in the likeness of Jesus. Although we may not possess His faith and power, God’s desire is for us to walk in the foot steps of Jesus.

If you do not believe in Jesus, that is fine. You may believe in Moses, Yahweh, Muhammed or other sages that walked the earth. In the eyes of God, they all preached similar beliefs and principles based on their specific religion be it Christianity, Judaism or Islam.

Having faith in God, surrendering your life to his grand plan and declaring your service to others are the first steps in manifesting your intentions. Only after you have performed the practices of faith, surrender and service, can you request abundance in your life. True manifestation is not about ask and receive but give, then ask and receive.

If you practice the LOA in the spirit of service, you are making a statement to God and a commitment to making a difference in the world. Think about it for a moment, when one of your children does something to please you, what do you normally do? Reward them! Why because they have pleased you and demonstrated their love by doing so. God operates in exactly the same manner when it comes to granting you what you wish to manifest into your life. After all, we are God’s children.

When you fulfill your spiritual promises and service commitments, God will always provide you with what you need. He may not always grant you what you want, if so, it’s because he knows better in regard to what is best for you per his divine plan.

Beyond declaring your faith in God, surrendering to his plan and committing to be of service to others, the most powerful lesson you can invoke is to be grateful. Before God will grant you more of what you want, you must first demonstrate to Him that you are grateful for what you already have.

Much of society is centered on material gain and scarcity. As a result, we are often focused on more versus showing gratitude for what we have been blessed with; a loving spouse, good health, loving friends, a good job etc.

Here are a few basic and simple steps you can take to truly manifest what you desire into your life.

• declare your faith in God and his teachings

• surrender your life to live based on God’s divine plan

• demonstrate your willingness to be of service to others and the world

• first be grateful for all that you have before you ask God to manifest more into your life

We’ve all learned from first hand experience that stepping into the unknown can be both exciting and scary at the same time. The human spirit is born to explore and discover, while our ego and subconscious may suggest we play it safe based on past events. So, how do we know when to act and when to pass?

I’ll make this as easy and straight forward as I can. Don’t analyze the decision with your head, feel how it feels in your gut. Of course you want to do your research and homework but at the end of the day, how do you feel about your idea or plan? You’ll probably be a little apprehensive, even doubtful but if you know that it originated from your heart and soul, it was sent by your consciousness.

If you’re stepping into unchartered waters that are part of your purpose, your passion, then leap with faith and courage. On the other hand, if you’re marching to someone else’s drum, “caveat emptor,” (let the buyer beware). We are creators, created in the image of God to create the life we choose. Therefore, either we or someone else is creating our reality. Every thought becomes an opportunity to choose, every thought has the power to become a reality.

You see, if it’s your dream, your aspiration, then it can’t be wrong. That being said, there’s no guarantee that the intention you created will manifest but at least you know you’re the artist. But if you buy into someone else’s dream or intention, you’re bound to walk away and fail when the going gets rough. If it’s not your purpose, you’re not going to have that burning desire and dedication you need to see it through when the road ahead gets rocky.

For you and I to choose our own reality two things need to occur; first, you need to be present because now is the only place where we have the power to create. Second, you need to know who you are, what you want and where you’re going. The danger in not knowing is you’re trying to be someone else and pursue what they want. I know because I’ve done that several times in my life.

We look at someone who owns a beautiful home, drives a fancy car, wears a nice suit, makes good money and we say “I want to have what he/she has.” But we’re saying something more, actually we’re saying, “I want to be like him/her.” Why? What about your dreams, your purpose, your passion? Just because they have what they have doesn’t mean if you have it you’ll be happy or fulfilled. As a matter of fact, how do you know that they’re happy or fulfilled?

There’s something greater than that available to us all. We need to learn how to have faith and courage with ourselves, as well as patience and persistence with our intentions. What I’d like to suggest is something that has changed my life and can change yours as well. Realize that in the moment you always have a choice to choose.

So, how do we assure ourselves of remembering that we always have a choice? The first thing we must realize is that to create, we must be present. The present is the only place where we have the power to create. Next, we must also realize that the present is the only place where we have the power to choose. You can neither create or choose in the past or the future. The past can be re-enact, the future can be planned but neither can serve us in the moment.

Often, by declaring that someone else is responsible for our decisions, our outcomes and lives, we are giving away our power to both create and choose. It’s no wonder we have so many followers walking the planet today. Some of you may be asking what creating and choice have to do with “stepping into the unknown.” My answer………..everything!

Connect the dots, when stepping into the unknown, if you’re present, you have both the power to create what you desire, as well as make the choice you choose to make. As a result, you are better equipped to find your purpose and live your passion versus following someone else’s dream. Whether you step into the unknown with faith and courage versus fear and despair, is based on your being present.

All the faith, belief and courage that you require to step out into the world of the unknown and discover your purpose lives inside of you, you just need to wake it up.

“There is a time for departure, even when there is no certain place to go.” Robert Frost

Suggestions for staying present on the path of discovery:

• be aware of who you’re being

• realize you are creating a new discipline

• this new discipline will require patience & persistence

• by being aware you’ll be present - by being present you’ll  reclaim the power to create & choose

• you’ll learn to become accountable for your life & your decisions

The good news is that we all experience self-limiting beliefs; the bad news is, that’s right, we all have self-limiting beliefs. There’s more good news though - we can do something about them.

Limiting beliefs have a method to their madness, they keep us safe, safe from ever having to take a risk or making a mistake. If you’ve noticed, we really believe that little birdie in our head that keeps saying, you can’t do that, don’t try that, you’re not good enough, smart enough and so on.

It seems that when ever we initiate change in our life or take on a new challenge, we often encounter limiting beliefs. The emotions that get triggered are negative ones such as fear, anger or sadness. What happens is you come face-to-face with old programs that were created early in your life. If you’re not conscious of your behavior, you’ll repeat those old negative patterns and then be wondering………why.

I’ve found that often, we’re not even cognizant that a limited belief is just a limited belief. Because it’s become a habit, we accept it as reality, as if it’s the way things have to be. We may think we are creating our limiting beliefs in the present, when actually they originate from past events and behavioral patterns. In the moment, we forget that we have a choice, a choice to choose a different belief. Basically, as soon as we step into the world of limiting beliefs, we step into our past.

Most limited beliefs are created in the developmental stages of childhood. As a result, studies have proven that most people are products of their environment. From the family unit, to how we’re parented, to teachers, coaches, friends, church and our community. All of these relationships play a role in who we become and how we interpret the world.. If you are raised or parented in a culture of limited belief, this will certainly influence the lens through which you see the world. This is how and when an individual begins to develop their self-image.

As you mature into a young adult, you don’t see a world of unlimited possibilities, rather a world of limitation. As a child in any environment, whether it’s home, school, socially or athletically, if you’re told often enough that you can’t do something, eventually you will learn to believe it. At the developmental stage of childhood, the mind is like a sponge, eager to soak up as much knowledge and new information as possible. The mind will soak up what it sees, hears or is told to believe over time, even if negative in nature.

Based on a lack of maturity and experience, a child can’t be held responsible if he or she isn’t able to distinguish between a positive affirmation and a limiting belief. Until you become aware as an adult that these limitations exist, you can not and will not make any effort to change them. You must first understand why you limit yourself as you do, so you can choose a new choice, a new possibility.

In previous articles, you’ve heard me say that “what you believe is true.” Basically, thoughts are things, what ever you think, will create your reality. The thought can be based on either truth or a limiting belief. This scenario is what is responsible for individuals either over or under achieving in life. If you believe you can’t, you probably won’t, if you believe you can, you probably will.

Limiting beliefs initiate with old programs that influence our behavior, which are basically our habits. The first step in altering our limiting beliefs is to be aware of them. Once we are, we can now begin to discipline our thoughts and behavior, which will allow us to change our actions. Change the inside, your thoughts and you change the outside, your results.

Consider the fact that we have the ability to create consciously what we choose to in any present moment. When we accept our self-limiting beliefs as reality, we are actually giving away our power to create. Often, the reason why we give away this power so readily and accept limiting beliefs as reality, is because it’s what we know. But if you can summon the discipline of awareness, you can create the world of your choosing; a world of unlimited possibilities.

I’ll leave you with the fact that no belief is caste in stone. Any belief can be altered if you focus on changing it through discipline, repetition and meditation. Replace the limited belief with a positive affirmation of why you believe in yourself and what you choose to achieve. Continue this process a minimum of twice for 21 days. At that point, you will begin to realize a change in your belief system.

Here are a few simple techniques that you can use to change your self-limited beliefs;

• realize that we all have limited beliefs

• understand that you did not create them intentionally

• realize that you can begin to change any belief or habit in 21 days

• to start, be present & aware of who you’re being i.e. your beliefs

• ask yourself if what I believe about myself is serving me & my life

• if the answer is no, then commit to change that specific belief

Think back to when you were about to make a major change in your life or take on a big project. Let’s say you’re getting re-married, uh-oh, now that can be a big change. How about changing careers, starting a new business or moving your family. Can you feel the fear and trepidation resurface, the doubt, the queasy feeling in your stomach? Do you remember beginning to analyze your thoughts, decisions, to procrastinate and think to yourself, should I or shouldn’t I?

Well, I’ve experienced all of the above changes in my life and I know I did. I’m a positive thinker and an optimist but I’m also human. I was scared! I mean who wouldn’t be. As a result of some of the challenges I’ve experienced in my life, I’ve built up a reservoir of courage but I still had those moments of doubt.

Losing your dad at a young age, a kid brother and your wife will either as they say “kill you or make you stronger.” Being a single father for twelve years will also add a little moxie to your character. But because of my personal experiences, once I got over the initial shock of being scared, I would have to say that I became an eternal optimist.

When I’m at a barbecue or dinner party the conversation about challenges in life versus sports usually doesn’t surface unless I volunteer. Let’s face it, amongst guys, having a discussion about sports may create an argument but talking about life is not always acceptable conversation. It’s just not something most guys do. I’m of Italian and Spanish descent; we Mediterranean’s are as they say “romantics,” so we hug a lot. I can tell you that many guys are not comfortable hugging. The reason, they weren’t exposed to it as children with their parents.

So, what’s the point you ask? Simply this……as a young child, you begin to develop your habits and behavioral patterns based on what you see, hear and learn. If you learn that hugging is not acceptable, then you most likely grow up with hugging another male being a no-no. Like wise, if you grow up with “you don’t fail,” or “if you fail you’re a failure,” you have a predisposition and fear to failing. As a result, you take fewer risks in life.

Okay, back to not being a failure. After you witness and survive some of the tragedies in life that I have, you have a tendency to say to yourself, “if I handled that, I can handle anything.” My advice on this topic is pull back on the reigns, stay humble and don’t challenge God or the universe. I’ve learned that instead of thinking you’re invulnerable, be thankful and grateful for the blessings and courage that have been bestowed upon you in times of difficulty.

The reason why many of us have second thoughts and doubt our self is due to one major emotion, fear of failure. Let’s be honest with ourselves, none of us wants to be a failure, especially in this competitive society that we live in. We’re so concerned about what others may think of us, it stops us dead in our tracks.

We put so much stock in winning, that we often think, that’s what makes the world go ‘round. This behavioral pattern has been ingrained in us as young children; get an A, win the game, beat the other guy, come in first etc. Often, it’s when we’re constantly looking outside of ourselves and comparing who we are to others, that we find our self-doubt surface, as well as our ability to be successful.

We create this whole concept of failure in our minds, so it takes on a personality of it’s own. Like a little kid, it grows and grows until the fear is bigger and more powerful than the goal or dream we started with.  W. Clement Stone said, “what the mind can conceive, the mind can achieve.”  If you believe as I do, that dreams represent our deepest desires and passions, then you would agree with Mr. Stonel. How else does one find his/her purpose unless they follow their dreams or passion on the road of life?

This is a quote that I often use with clients in my coaching sessions, “what you believe is true!” Think about that for a moment……what ever you believe with real emotion will over time become a reality. Once again, what if I told you that you can fail but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

Successful people fail all the time! Why, because they never stop trying? It’s our perception of failing that creates the mental and emotional road blocks that stop us from being successful. When ever you try to do anything, you have a 50/50 chance of being successful or failing. Life never gave you a guarantee that you will succeed at everything you do.

Have you ever read the biographies of successful people like Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Alexander Bell, Albert Einstein, Newton, Marconi, Abraham Lincoln? If you did, you know that each of these individual’s failed multiple times, hundreds, even thousands of time, before they achieved success on a specific project or goal that they were pursuing. Why……… because they knew if they failed, that did not mean they were a failure. There self-image was not tied to the outcome of an attempt to succeed. They also knew that it only meant that they learned one more way that they would not succeed and as a result, were one step closer.

I am asking you to realize that you are not the event, whatever it is; being terminated from a job, a failed relationship, a failed business or claiming bankruptcy. You are the heart and soul of your dreams and aspirations but you are not the outcome or the event. The great men I mentioned would just keep right on trying because they knew that they were greater than the event. In the moment, they were simply the attempt to achieve a specific goal. They stayed persistent to their intention.

Here are some techniques that you can use to achieve success:

• believe that you can fail and not be a failure  

• stay present - you can only achieve in the present

• walk before you run - start small/build confidence

• visualize your intention daily with emotion & belief

• what you believe is who you become & what you achieve

• put it in writing, commit to your intention as if your life  depended on it

Isn’t it amazing how difficult it can be for any of us to change a bad habit or behavior? It can be a habit that is very simple such as losing your temper behind the wheel of a car or a more challenging one such as trying to break a serious addiction to say, smoking or over eating. Which ever it may be, it’s important for you to know that you’re not alone.

One reason why change can be so difficult is because we have engaged in the habit or behavior for so long, it has become second nature. It’s almost like we’re on “automatic pilot.” As a result, we just engage in the behavior without thinking that we have a choice to do something different in the moment. We forget that we’re blessed with a free will to choose.

Based on the research that’s been conducted over the last twenty years on the brain, we now know much more about how the brain works. The benefit to this information is that we can begin to understand why we often do the things we do in regard to behavior and actions in our lives.

Various studies have shown that our conscious mind is only responsible for 2 - 4% of our thought patterns and behavior. This is why when we use will power and persistence to over come a bad habit or change a behavior, we usually have sub-par results. Short term the action or result may change but if we want to realize lasting change in our life, we must start at the beginning of the cycle, which is thought and behavior.

Recent brain research has shown that the subconscious or implicit memory system is responsible for up to 96% of our thought patterns and behavior. Based on the mechanics of the mind, if we really want to illicit change in our life, this is where we need to focus. As these studies are fairly new, just learning how to change our approach to habit and behavior is a re-learning experience in itself.

We begin to develop brain connections at a very early age, say five years old or so. When we develop brain connections, we are also creating what is referred to as cellular connections. Over time and repetition, the brain and cellular connections actually leave a foot print on our neural network in the brain. They become fixed in our subconscious and wha-la, we have developed a habit or behavioral pattern.

All success and happiness begins with your thoughts based on where you think you want to be in life. Your present circumstances will always control your thoughts and behavior based on your perception of reality, unless you’re consciously aware of you’re behavior. Studies indicate that all results are effects or a function of what we’re thinking, feeling or doing based on our past.

So, what can we do to change our thought patterns and behavior? To change your thought patterns and behavior, you first need to recondition the thought patterns of your past. This is the key to realizing long lasting change. Because thought impacts emotions, what you end up feeling loops back to what you’re thinking. As a result, you continue to repeat the behavior or action, which is why you end up with the same results based on your present circumstances.

It’s a vicious circle but it doesn’t always feel like one because we’ve become comfortable with the behavior. Over time we actually begin to accept that it’s who we are. Believe it or not, we can experience joy from a negative or painful behavior based on our personal association with the behavior. If the behavior feels familiar, we become comfortable with it, so we think it’s good for us. We feel secure and in control because it’s a familiar emotion.

Your subconscious, which represents your interpretation of past events, is responsible for your perceptions, feelings and behavior in the present. I refer to these as The Big 3. To change the Big 3, we must change our self-image, habits and beliefs, The New 3. This is where you ReTrain the Brain!

Essentially, what you need to do is create a release program in your brain, which will allow you to recreate your self-image. To create a new self-image, we first need to create new patterns of thought and behavior. This can be achieved by experiencing new affirmations, as well as visualization or meditation. These new affirmations and visualizations need to be created with emotion. They need to become more real than your present circumstances in order for the new affirmations to over ride or recondition your thought patterns and behavior.

Daily repetition first thing in the morning upon rising and most importantly, lastly before you retire are key. Initially, this will require discipline on your part but the rewards are life changing. If you change the inside, your behavior, you’ll begin to change the outside, your results. If you’re willing to pay the price now i.e. discipline, you won’t pay the price of regret later in your life.

Look for my new workshop entitled “ReTrain the Brain Success Workshop.

Remember, if you change your habits, you can change your life!

Each of us believes that the basis of our dreams, our desires and expectations are unique and different from anyone else. But are they really? Our dreams may differ, much as our desires and what we expect to achieve in our lives; however, there is a common denominator that lives in each of us, that sits behind why we often fall short of what we hope to accomplish.

It’s our own lack of self-love, as well as our inability to accept life as it is versus as we expect it to be. How we were loved or not loved as children, plays a major role in how we identify with ourselves in regard to self-love. In life, many of us walk it’s path with our own definition of and expectation for achieving certain levels of happiness and success.

Let’s explore these two scenarios together. As we do, we’ll begin to see how each have played a role in our lives, as to why and how we have given up on ourselves in the past.

I’d like to begin by asking you a question, and I’m going to ask you to be totally honest with yourself “do you like to do nice things for someone you don’t really care for?” Being human, the answer for many of us is………..no. So, think about that concept for a moment. If we don’t like doing something nice for someone we don’t really care for, why would we choose to do something nice for ourselves, if we don’t truly love ourselves?

Good question right! The reality of human behavior dictates that you can’t give to someone else, what you can’t give to yourself. Oh, you may say but Larry, I’m an empathetic and compassionate person; I’m a giver and I love to help people. For many of us, this would be a true and accurate statement. But in the act of giving, is your giving truly unconditional or are you giving with the hope for a specific expectation to be realized?

Now, apply that same question to yourself in regard to how sincere the act of giving is toward yourself. Why would you make a decision for yourself, which would allow for joy, success or happiness to enter into your life, if you don’t truly love yourself? The answer is you wouldn’t. Consciously we think we are but because we have not mastered the art of “being aware” we don’t realize that it’s our subconscious that is pulling the strings.

Our subconscious is plugged into our self-image, which for us is the “truth” about how we really see and feel about ourselves. What we see when we look in the mirror and how we envision ourselves in the world, has everything to do with who we are. Like an artist, our self-image paints our canvas of the world, in which we create our own reality, true or false.

Understanding this concept will help you to “cut yourself some slack” and allow you to forgive yourself for your past mistakes, the people you’ve hurt or disappointed. None of us escape making these mistakes in life and that’s all they are, mistakes. I like to believe that each of us does the best that we can in each moment of life. To be human, is not too be perfect, it’s too learn about who we are and how we can love and be loved. That is the true spiritual definition of life.

Learning to love yourself starts with forgiveness, something we all need to do. Once you forgive yourself, start by taking time each day to be thankful and grateful for the simply joys in your life. Commit each day to doing something nice for yourself and then for someone else. Giving to yourself is not a selfish act, it’s an acknowledgment that you care about and love who you are. When there’s no reason to smile and you’re smiling anyway, then you’ll know you’re in love.

Remember this quote, “the more you love yourself, the more you can love others, the more you love others, the more the world loves you in return.”

We started this article with a quest to explore two scenarios, the second being what we can refer to as our life plans and expectations. So, when is the last time that your life worked out as you planned and expected it to? And if a segment of your life worked as you had hoped it would, did you feel the way you thought you’d feel when it did? Were you more happy, more secure, absolutely content with your decision? And if you were, did those feelings last forever or did they begin to fade away over time?

I don’t know many people whose life has turned out exactly as they planned and are completely content with the outcome. There are people whose lives follow the path that they planned because they box themselves into a very structured life style. But I would ask you, is that living, is that what we came here for, is that our purpose? Heaven forbid we step outside of the box, take a risk, do want we want to do with our lives versus what our parents want us to do.

Don’t get me wrong, planning is good, actually it’s essential, provided we do so being aware of the vast landscape of life and how little control we often have over the outcomes. But there lies the rub. By not venturing out, by not exploring and discovering life we protect ourselves from not finding out how little control we really do have. By walking the straight and narrow path that we’ve set for our life, we can be more assured of the outcome and results. We can confirm and reinforce that “we were right and therefore we are happy.”

For instance, I’ve learned the reality of the fine line between life and death when I lost my younger brother at the age of thirty two to cancer and my wife who suddenly passed at the age of forty five to a rare illness. No one saw either event coming, no one planned for those horrific events to occur, they just appeared, a part of the grand canvas called life. Once you understand life and that we didn’t create the Universe, you then understand that we don’t get to call all the shots, if any. Only then do you allow yourself to step into a world of acceptance.

The reality is you do have a choice; a choice to embrace and accept life or run away from it. Imagine the possibilities that would exist in our lives if we chose to accept life and rather than run from it, run toward it. The reason why we run away from life is simply fear of the unknown. The fear of finding out who we really are or that what we’ve believed in all our lives is not true. Basically, we’re running from exploring the truth.

Once you begin to realize how big the world is and how vast our potential is for experiencing life, only then will you begin to live it. What if we loved, trusted and believed in ourselves enough to embrace life? What if we discovered the courage to take the journey that life has planned for us versus our own plan?

So, what can we do in life to not give up on ourselves? Well, we can start by beginning to understand the reason for life and why we are here. We’re not here to get rich, be ultra successful or attain a certain hierarchy in society; we’re here to discover who we are and what is our life’s purpose while we are here. We’re here to discover who we we’re meant to be and do what we we’re meant to do. We’re here to love and be loved unconditionally.

When you discover the courage to step into the unknown and explore the potential that life can be, the unlimited possibilities that it has to offer, you will begin to walk a path of joy. When you discontinue doubting yourself, you will stop struggling with life.

Release your grip on trying to control what you can’t and instead focus your energy on living the life you were meant to live. Trust, have faith and believe in who your soul says you are. Your life will change and the world will thank you.

Robert Frost once said, “I took the road less traveled and it has made all the difference.” Map makers are not afraid to take the road less traveled as well. Often, at some point on the road of discovery, they realize they’ve failed. But they’ve learned to make one important distinction, just because you fail, doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

Like the Lewis and Clark Expedition, a map maker is someone who journey’s where he/she has never been before. Map makers are not afraid to journey where no one has been before them. They know that to “create their own reality” the path they choose must be their path and no one else’s.

In May of 1804, Lewis and Clark embarked from St. Louis on what was to become the most dangerous expedition in American history. Their mission was to explore and follow the Columbia River to its source, the Pacific Ocean. This mission would result in discovering what became known as the Pacific Passage.

They returned to St. Louis in September of 1806, successfully navigating the rough and dangerous terrain to report that they had in fact found the route to the Pacific. This expedition came with a high cost to the well being and lives of the many men who were a part of the expedition. Some men died as a result of illness, others perished from treacherous descents and climbing accidents.

At times they would travel weeks and hundred of miles in a westerly route, only to be turned back by a 500 foot precipice that could not be navigated. Countless times, provisions, serious injury or lost lives were the price they paid to achieve their destination.

A map maker knows that to fulfill their dream, the path they must embark on is not always the shortest distance between two points. Like each of us in our lives, Lewis and Clark did not have the luxury of someone before them leaving a trail to follow or a true compass to reach their destination unscathed. The only way that they were going to achieve their goal was to move forward each and every day in pursuit of their dream, not knowing when or where they were going to make a mistake but knowing that inevitably they would.

It took great courage and stamina to push on day after day, week after week not knowing if the decision they had made that day or the direction they were pointed in was correct. This is true for each and everyone of us in our lives as well. I remember a quote I once read that said “if you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.”

It’s this lack of certainty that stops so many of us from pursuing our dream and discovering our passion. As spiritual beings, we are all born explorers, constantly looking to discover what we do not know and yearn to, yet fearful of letting go of what we do know and have. Each of us is here for a sole purpose and it is our responsibility to create and live that purpose.

No one approached Lewis and Clark and dropped the map to the Pacific Passage in their hands; just as no one is going to approach you and hand you your dream or passion. They had to discover it for themselves, as do each and everyone of us. Although the expedition experienced pain and suffering on the path, the joy and honor comes in the journey, not the destination.

The journey calls up in each of us a level of spirit and strength that we never knew we had. We are reborn into a world of great hope, faith and courage and these become our true compass in life. Each of us will get lost, many will fall down but it is the power of belief in oneself and the power of the unknown that beckons to our spirit to push onward, to remain committed to the creation of our passion and the discovery of our purpose.

You will feel your self-esteem soar and your self-image, will take on new heights of self-love and confidence that you never dreamt possible. You are a map maker! Lao-tzu said “a journey of a thousand miles, begins with the first step.” For the map maker, each step is a creation, each day is a new beginning and each day offers the potential of unlimited possibility.

To awaken the sleeping spirit within, you must become “a map maker.” A map maker is about the joy of discovery, the creation of positive energy; it’s about an intention of hope and faith so powerful that you will not fear the possibility of failing. Yes, you may fail but to pursue your dream, your passion, one must totally believe in oneself and remember “I may fail but I am not a failure.”

There is no fear in change, only the fear that you create in your mind. Remember that fear and doubt can not coexist with hope and courage. Map makers experience fear but they carry their sense of hope and courage with them in their heart. The passions of the heart are more powerful than the fears of the mind. With God’s grace, you will find the faith and perseverance you need to continue on your quest.

It may be a simple quest such as improving your self-esteem, increasing your self-confidence or finding the courage to search for a better job. Then again, it may be a major challenge such as overcoming an addiction, discovering well-being in your life by ceasing to be obese or committing to a relationship despite your fear of a previous failure.

My favorite quote of all time is also by Robert Frost, where he says, “there is a time for departure, even when there is no certain place to go.” Honor your life by creating your own reality and living your dream. Remember that great achievement requires great risk. Take the road less traveled, your life is worth the journey!